What to Do When a Coworker Keeps Undermining You

If you’ve ever worked with immoderate who seemed to regularly undermine you, you cognize it’s a miserable experience. And workplace undermining tin instrumentality connected antithetic approaches, from idiosyncratic who dismisses your ideas oregon makes sarcastic comments successful meetings to idiosyncratic who often gives overly bully compliments that look unnecessary oregon retired of context. It’s besides communal successful immoderate workplaces and tin assistance thrust precocious turnover. If you find yourself feeling perpetually undermined by a colleague, determination are ways to cope. Here are a fewer tips.

Determine however predominant the occupation truly is

Using absolutes similar “always,” “never,” and “constantly” to picture different person’s behaviour is unhelpful. It’s factually inaccurate, too, due to the fact that nary quality does thing oregon thing successful a changeless way. Instead, quantify the undermining you experience.

For example, successful the adjacent 3 meetings you’re successful with this coworker, tally up the fig of comments oregon behaviors you find are undermining. Write them down for your ain reference. Is it a remark oregon question? An oculus rotation oregon a laugh? Also, instrumentality enactment of the neutral and affirmative behaviors oregon comments. Then, look astatine the data. Is this coworker constantly undermining you? Odds are, astir apt not.

Ask a workfellow to observe the interactions

Let’s accidental that you so admit the undermining behaviour isn’t changeless but it’s inactive determination frequently. Maybe you consciousness it successful the code of a question oregon however they often disagree with the ideas you share. It leaves you feeling similar your position isn’t being heard. If this is the case, bring successful a trusted workfellow to observe the interactions. Call it a peer-check. Describe what you’re experiencing and inquire them to observe and measure the interactions. Do they find that the different person’s words oregon behaviour undermines yours?

Getting a 3rd enactment to observe what you are experiencing is simply a adjuvant attack to figuring retired quality dynamics astatine work. Our interpretations and reactions to others aren’t ever correct. It’s communal to construe different person’s behaviour toward america arsenic malicious erstwhile it wasn’t intended that way. It’s besides imaginable your hunch is confirmed by your workfellow and this coworker is undermining you. If this is the case, bring your brag into the contented and inquire for their help. Your brag tin be a mates gathering with you to observe the dynamic first-hand and past code it with your coworker.

Try to recognize what is influencing the behavior

A workfellow of excavation started a caller occupation past twelvemonth and successful the archetypal 2 weeks, coworkers said she should “watch her back” successful notation to moving astatine a spot that lacked spot betwixt colleagues. She said it was ominous and, frankly, benignant of weird. But 9 months later, she understood the warnings. The civilization was built connected aggravated contention with bonus payouts based connected idiosyncratic success. This meant that moving arsenic a team, collaborating with others, oregon adjacent sharing accusation wasn’t incentivized. Instead, getting up contempt others was.

Once she figured this out, it helped her recognize that the strategy that was successful spot was nudging radical to behave successful ways that degraded that environment. Some individuals were worse than others, truthful she invested her clip with coworkers who shared a akin cognition arsenic hers. Understanding what influenced the enactment civilization helped her header with it.

You tin bash that too. See if determination are outer influences shaping the mode radical behave. This isn’t to condone atrocious behavior; it is to recognize it truthful you tin marque immoderate choices. My workfellow is choosing to enactment with her institution due to the fact that of the acquisition she’s getting successful her field. For you, that whitethorn oregon whitethorn not beryllium the case. Either way, get the accusation you request truthful that you tin determine whether to enactment oregon go.

Address the behaviour (or don’t)

If you privation and consciousness comfy doing so, you tin code the behaviour with the offending colleague. Stick with the facts if you do. In practice, that means alternatively of saying, “I deliberation you person been undermining maine successful our meetings,” try, “In the past meeting, I was interrupted 3 times.” Be arsenic factual arsenic possible.

But you besides don’t person to code the behavior. Instead, you tin absorption connected your ain strategies to flooded it. Maybe earlier the adjacent meeting, you signifier retired large what you’ll accidental erstwhile your coworker interrupts you. Or you enactment up a sticky enactment to punctual yourself to disregard the jerks and walk much clip with like-minded radical astatine work.